Okay.  I would like to address the issues that parents have with divorce and their children.  First I would like to point out that I have been through a divorce with a child.  So I do have experience in this matter.

It drives me crazy to watch how some parents play their children as little pawns in their hate game with the ex.  These poor children are being emotionally torn apart because of this.  Of course, alot of these parents aren’t considering the effects on the children and don’t even realize that they are fucking their kids up, but there are some that do know and continue anyway.  Their all obsessed, spiteful mission of making their ex’s life a living hell has become a priority for these people.  It’s pathetic!  And it’s really the children that suffer.  So here are some important points to live by after divorce.

• Whatever that asshole, piece of shit, or stupid bitch did is no longer an issue.  That’s why you got a divorce.  So the first point to make is to just get over it. 
• Don’t continue sleeping with the ex.  I know how this sounds but many, many divorced couples still continue having sex.  Maybe it’s a habit, comfort zone kind of thing, but it’s just not a good idea.  It makes “getting over it” more difficult and just prolongs the issues.
• Realize that you are still co-parenting even though your not together.  It is important for the upbringing of your children that both parents are involved.
• Positive communication is imperative.  Are there going to be times that even after the divorce your ex may do something to piss you off?  Your damn right!!  And I am sure that you will piss off you ex.  But issues should be discussed rationally.  Besides, your children will notice this and will see that even though their mom and dad are divorced, they are still a united front as parents.  This will give them security, less anxiety, and better discipline.
• The new boyfriend/girlfriend.  This is the biggee!!  This is usually what sends the other into a frenzy.  Your ex is not going to stay single forever and neither are you.  This situation can be even more difficult if the boyfriend/girlfriend is the reason you got divorced.  But again, refering to point one, it is time to get over it.  Do not teach your children to be disrespectful because your mad.  It is also important that you get along with your replacement.  This person is going to be around your kids when your not around.  If you disrespect them, they may take it out on your kids.  You want your children and the new person to have a good relationship.  Keep in mind…they are not going to replace you!! 

If you ever pay attention closely to someone else talking or even hear yourself, you may be surprised how often the word “hate” is used.  I was reading an article on that whole Miley photo shocker thing (which by the way, I didn’t think it was all that bad) the other day.  You know those internet articles where people can make comments.  There were multiple comments by different people saying they hate Miley.  I found this quite disturbing since I am sure not one of them had met her.   She may be a really nice girl, but these people actually hate her?  What is wrong with someone to actually hate another person that they don’t even know?  I can understand not caring for her music.  I am forced to listen to it constantly since my daughter is a huge Miley fan, but I have never sat there and just bashed her for it.  Of course, the Miley thing is just a small example of this hate for no good reason.  There are people that hate someone so much that they also hate the people that associate with that person.  So, lets dive in a little deeper as to the reasons that some people hate like they do.  See if you can see yourself in this.

Jealousy — This is a big reason why people hate.  Someone has someone or something that they can’t have and suddenly that gives them the reason to hate them.  And these people are pretty funny.  If you ask them why they hate that person, they will come up with all kinds of reasons (other than being jealous of course).  I think they actually know its wrong to hate that person so they start to believe the made up reasons why.  They say things like “She dated my neighbor’s, brother’s, roommate and really screwed him over.  I hate people like that so I can’t stand her either.”  What they really mean is “I hate her because she has a great body, nice tan, and drives a Volvo – and I don’t” or “I hate her because she’s a 15 year old millionaire” (poor Miley).  If this person sounds like you – get over yourself, be happy with what you got, there will always be someone that has more than you so quit worrying about it. 

Bitterness/Misery – You know these type.  It’s the “I got fired from a job at 19, got dumped at 21, my mom fucked my boyfriend, and now I hate the world” type.  These are the whiners.  The crybabies.  And they pretty much hate everyone.  They usually don’t have to many friends.  And the friends they do have are probably only friends with them out of pity.  You can usually tell who these people are just by looking at them.  There is always a scowl on their face.  They are waiting for the next bad thing to happen to them.  Well, here’s a clue, if you actually wait for something eventually your gonna get it.  If this person sounds like you – Shut the fuck up!  Quit the crying and whining.  The world is not out to get you.  There is no conspiracy against you.  Your shitty ass life so far is your fault and no one else’s and only YOU can turn it around.

Upbringing – Unfortunately, these people can’t take all the blame for their hateful way of thinking.  But these people are the easiest to turn around.  If your raised by haters then there is a good chance you will be one yourself.  If this is you, take comfort in the fact that you can turn it around pretty quickly.  

Insecurities, lack of self-worth – This is a sad group indeed.  These are also the types that tend to be bullies.  They have such a negative view of themselves that they need to pick others apart to feel better.   These people also fall in the jealousy category but are much worse.  They need the most help.  They hate so they will feel better about themselves and that’s some pretty messed up shit.  Examples of this type is – “I have never got below a size 10 so I hate everyone size 8 and under” or “I think that my nose is big and it makes me ugly.  All pretty people are stupid and I hate them.”.  I tend to have sympathy for these people.  When I run into one, I just want to give them a hug and tell them they are beautiful. 

These are just a handful of examples of haters.  If you can think of anymore, let me know.

And next time the word hate comes out of your mouth, stop and reflect a moment.  Do you really hate that person or thing?  Hate is a word with a big impact.  Be careful how you use it.